Okay, Crazy Lady, okay Crazy Lady. Attack! I will eat your leg! Arrrgghhh! Wait! What’s that? Someone in the bathroom? The kitty room? Someone using my litterbox? Huh?

Coming in now, paw here, door open. Hello? What’s this guy doing? Standing there, a stream of yellow. What’s this? What? Hey! Don’t bat me away! Ah, this guy. This guy is the play guy, the guy with the good hands, good hands for playing: that long green wand, that little red light. God, I love that little red light! Where is it? Where?

“Okay, Mitten,” he says and puts the toilet lid down. Thank you very much for that: I have fallen in there, you know. I have. “C’mon in now,” he says. Mitten? The name’s Minnie, pal! Attack! I got your leg! I got it! “Off, Minnie,” he says. “She’s insane right now,” he calls out to the lady, the Crazy Lady. I’m up on the lid now. See how I am? Where’s he going? Stand still so I can attack you. Down the hall, down the hall. Mmm. Chicken.

“Honey, will you pour the wine? I’ll plate up the pot pies.”

“Oh, Viognier,” he says. “Nice.”

Chicken! I’m saying, Chicken! Can’t they hear me? Do I have to scream?

“Here, Minnie Mouse,” the lady says, dropping some chicken into my bowl. Plop, plop. Drop. Mmm. Chicken. Good chicken. Take it out of the bowl and attack it! Kill it! Dead chicken! “She’s so crazy,” the lady says. Who, me? You’re crazy, Crazy Lady. Always singing to me and using the blankets as a toy. But cozy lady too, because when I get tired, you’re a good snuggle, lady. Almost as good as Mama was. Almost.

Chicken. Chicken. More chicken!

“Minnie, get down!” Crazy Lady says, then picks up the spray bottle. “Get off the table!”

What? I can jump! I can jump, jump, jump, jump right back up. Please! But then, wop! Right in my face. Rude! Rude Lady! I hate it, but I am coming back. Going to eat more chicken, chicken, chicken. “Minnie!” she warns. Spray bottle right there. Scary. Right there. Fine. I’ll sit right here on the arm of the couch. Right here. I’ll sit here and watch you eat. Oh! If only I was big, like a lion, I’d eat you both in one bite! Chomp!

Oh, this is boring. Better to play with that corky thing. Plop. Roll. Attack! Kill the corky! Oh, hurry up and eat your chicken. I want to chase that little red light: around the coffee table, down the hall, up the wall. Hurry up and eat!